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Entry: Oh Hey. Nothin'. Monday, April 22, 2013

Quote of the day: "They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."- Andy Warhol

     I think the main reason I've had such a difficult time getting myself back into writing and blogging is that I'm so different now. My mind works differently. I used to walk through the world with this kind of writer's filter describing every situation, constantly chronicling and documenting every thought, experience and emotion whether I was writing them down or not. I almost always had some sort of notebook within arm's reach, and when it came time to sit in front of a computer and blog, I never really even had to think of something to say. I just had to decide what I wanted to share next. For years, I'd sometimes have 10-15 saved drafts of either completed posts, unfinished rants or self-regulated shit talk about whatever incurred my wrath. I was bursting at the literal seams; not literally, of course, but literally.

    
My brain works differently now. It's a fucking mess, I'll tell you. I can barely finish a thought. I often lose track of what I'm saying while I'm saying it, distracted by branches of conversation I can't help but follow. When I try to write, whether blogging or otherwise, I can barely keep on my own topic long enough to keep myself interested enough to write it. I'll even end a sentence with a fucking preposition! Imagine!

     Anyway, yeah, I lose track of what I'm saying. It's particularly frustrating now that I've found myself back in college, because I should be killing it right now. First, the way society's "advanced" in the past ten or so years has resulted in a complete joke in the education system. College is so fucking easy I'm almost embarrassed to go. I can hear in my professor's voices and see in their instructional body language and demeanor that they are struggling to connect with students on any level. For as smart as a 21st century twentysomething can be, with the cognitive marvels employed effortlessly in simultaneously managing multiple advanced levels of both technology and culture, they can be just as infinitely stupid. Seriously. You can talk to 9,000 20 year olds and you have just talked to the same fucking idiot. It's sad.

     So with this constant fog of distraction I have what should be the simplest curriculum I could dream of. In fact, if I could gather all of the versions of myself that have existed through my life and design the best possible workload with which to work myself through college, it would be everything about my life, right now. I have done an excellent job setting the table for success. I'm just having a hell of a time doing the writing.

     So, I'm trying to sit at the keyboard more, and let shit pour out more. We'll see.

   2 comments

Sinja
April 23, 2013   04:36 PM PDT
 
Thank you Roberta :) It's nice to see you again!
Smallstar (Roberta)
April 23, 2013   09:45 AM PDT
 
Welcome back! I'll come here again sometimes...

sorry about what you're going throught... hope you'll get a lil more relaxed and happy. wishing this with my heart. <3

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