Battle Ready

Left.

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 06:22:14 GMT

Quote of the day: "Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds."- Franklin Delano Roosevelt

James Redfield (one of my favorite authors, as I'm sure you are familiar with based on my profile) would tell you that there are no true coincidences, only the ones you create. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, that once you start identifying them, you put yourself in control. While I'm sure that you have some control over coincidences in your life, I'm not convinced that you are the only author of such phenomena.

The universe is often mysterious in her communication with her tenants. Her language is one of infinite elegance and logic, though we have only a basic understanding... we are not yet fluent. She sends us clues and hints and glorious little puzzles to solve to help us on our journey, rarely making things obvious or readily apparent. A whisper, a wink, a nod, but never a nudge.

Or, rarely a nudge.

I have this pair of earbud headphones that go with my mp3 player. They're made by Sansa. They're black. They are marked with a small "L" and "R" for each to be placed in the correct ear. You would think that there is a 50% chance of selecting either the left or right earbud each time I pick them up. Little would you know, nor could you, that the universe is speaking to me. Through my earbuds. Not in the manner that you'd expect, however.

I pick these head phones up frequently to use them, whether listening at home or taking them with me when I run. Each time I do, I need to see which earbud is which, so I can put it in the right (correct) ear. Each time I pick them up... WITHOUT FAIL... I pick up the "L." Seriously. I'm at like 100+ times in a row now. I first started noticing a few months ago, when it seemed like I was always putting the left one in first. Time after time, it was always the left. After like 20 times in a row, I started testing them. I'd pick them up at random times of the day whether I was gonna use them or not, and would chuckle when I would always pick up the "L."

Cynically, I first thought that there must be some explanation for this. I knew it wasn't in how they were stored, because they are always in a jumbled mess on the end table, never arranged or wrapped or anything like that. I wondered if perhaps one was slightly heavier than the other, and though I certainly haven't weighed them (I'm not that weird), it doesn't seem to be the case. Other than the letter that marks which ear it's for, they are identical in every way. The foam cover. The color. The cord. There is only so much to an earbud, and it's all the same.

So the answer becomes obvious. A slap in the face from the universe. She is clearly telling me something... anything...

Though I'm still not sure exactly what she's saying, I do know that next time I'm lost, I'm turning left.

Yo.

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 02:38:58 GMT

Dear Battle Ready,

Hello old friend. I've missed you, even if you haven't felt like it. In my defense, I have been a lethal combination of busy and without reliable internet connection over the past two months. A few things I'd like to point out:

1. I JUST signed up for Twitter. I'd like you to follow me. Why? Because I'm gonna keep up with that. No, really. I know I know, you've heard that before, but here's why I really will: I can do it from my phone. Easily. And often. I promise to be at least somewhat interesting and/or funny. Perhaps thought-provoking. Maybe even sexually-explicit. I'm not familiar at all with the service yet, but I signed up with the username sinisterninja, so I don't know if it's like sinisterninja @ twitter.com or however it works, but if you have ever enjoyed anything I have ever written, said, did, thought about, or even hated any of those things, sign up. Also, I will follow you. We'll do a whole "social network" thing. "" Air quotes.

2. I'm not giving up on this blog. Not by a long shot. I'll be back, with regular updates, sometime soon. I don't have reliable internet access right now, though, and my motivation and inspiration have taken serious hits over the past month or so. My family lost someone recently, and I have tried to write about that, but I can't make it happen yet. I think it will help me, though, once I can manage. I will say right now that I love you and miss you, Paul. We all do. If anyone understands... I do.

3. I hate the state of Ohio so fucking much I am almost beyond words.

4. I am feeling like I don't want to be single anymore. I've had a good run, but I've recently been getting to a place where I wouldn't mind a relationship. Stay tuned.

Love,

Phil

A Disturbing Visit.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 05:03:18 GMT

Quote of the day: "Don't let us make imaginary evils, when you know we have so many real ones to encounter."- Oliver Goldsmith

First, I would like to point out that I am posting from my new phone, which I love. It's an LG enV Touch, and I am back with Verizon. This phone kicks ass. It has a touch screen, but also opens up to a full Qwerty (which is fun to type, even on here) keyboard with wonderfully and appropriately large buttons and two large speakers. Contact form me if you want my number! I still have phone numbers for a few of you, and I'll text those of you that I can. If you don't hear from me, feel free to holler.

So the other day at work, I walk into the mens' room. Now, this is not ordinarily a particularly noteworthy nor disturbing event, especially in the restroom here at the new POE (a little collections-business jargon for Place Of Employment). It is kept clean and odorless, and as my department seems to employ a total of approximately nine men, of which I am the ninth, I rarely even have to exchange awkward pleasantries or inappropriate eye contact. In fact, the only complaint I have about this mens' room is that the urinal is recklessly shallow, and presents a significant splash hazard... especially in my favorite khacki shorts, which display any water contact whatsoever in an alarmingly-efficient manner... but that is another story. Anyway, even the hand soap is a pleasant foam, and anyone that I have come across has washed their hands accordingly.

No sir (or ma'am), nothing particularly noteworthy nor disturbing going on in the mens' room at this point in the visit. It wasn't until I looked down to the floor that the visit turned puzzling. There are not many objects that one expects to see on a mens' room floor, but there is literally an infinite amount of objects that one would not expect to see. I saw something that one would most certainly not expect to see on a mens' room floor; a seemingly innocuous object, with no inherent properties of mayhem nor mystery; lay innocently upon the bathroom tile. An object that, in almost any other environment, would not likely draw a second look.

It was a cheese cube.

"But wait," you say, "you're making an awfully big deal about seeing a cube of cheese on the bathroom floor." And you're right, but here's the deal: I wouldn't be telling this story for one cube of cheese. No matter how long it's been since I've posted, or how precarious my current readership is, one cube of cheese would not draw my commentary. Even two cubes of cheese, regardless of how they were arranged, would not likely be immortalized online for future generations to ponder.

Forget for a moment the horrifyingly unsanitary scenario in which one would eat a snack in any bathroom, much less a mens' bathroom. Forget for a moment, that in such an unlikely event, the possibility of someone actually dropping any of said snack. Let us revisit the cheese cube itself, and why it has made its way onto the World Wide Web. It had... accomplices.

There were three cheese cubes, arranged in an almost perfectly-straight line, leading into the stall. Leading into the stall, under the stall door, which was not completely closed, but nearly so. Closed just enough that it would appear to have been purposely manipulated, but not by someone actually using the stall. Like someone inside the stall would not want the stall to appear occupied, but would still want their presence in the stall disguised.

There was a trail... of cheese cubes... leading into a partially-closed stall. I love cheese cubes. I peed in the urinal, washed my hands, and left... knowing...

... that someone tried to get me.

Reaching for a High-Five.

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 20:43:07 GMT

Quote of the day: "Our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who inhabit the body lack."- Aristotle

There's this joke by a comedian I like, Ron White. He says his father used to say of him, "that boy's got a lot of quit in him." I always laugh at that, until I start thinking of all the quit in me. I've always been great at justifying and rationalizing anything, and when all those years went by without ever having to push myself, I developed a lot of quit.

I started running again a few weeks ago. At first it was the same old story; I couldn't even make it through a whole song. We were just getting back into the Spring of things (ha ha, get it?), and the trees weren't quite ready for the nice weather. Neither was I, I guess, because I'd decided I would start running again when it was nice enough. We have miles of torn-up old railroad tracks around here, now used as snowmobile trails, and they serve an added purpose as being great running trails. As I started running again, down a path along bare trees and sleepy bushes and thicket, I figured I'd better get in decent shape again before the weather really warms up, or else this open air would lead to a difficult run when the sun really beats down.

Winter has a way of making you forget what nature can really look like, though. The trees have bloomed, the vegetation has filled in, and there are stretches of shade as well as sunlight along my normal route. The shade provides a welcome relief from the sun, but the sun helps with my tan.

The other day, while I was noticing that I was running further and further before needing to stop, I realized that I was once again beating the quit out of me. Once again learning to run through that wall that seemed impossible so many years ago. Realizing that each time I count my breath... step two three four breathe, step two three four breathe... I need to count less and less.

I started thinking of these trees, returning from their Winter break, watching me pant and pout, walking and whining initally... but as they grew, so did I. The stronger they get, the stronger I get, and just as I approached another stretch of shade, a single tree branch reached down to the path, a single leaf hanging within reach. A friendly maple, no doubt encouraging me to continue. Maybe congratulating me. We're both back, I see...

I'm not sure if I was reaching up for the high-five or it was reaching down, but the encouragement is welcome, nonetheless.

Things.

Wed, 27 May 2009 23:30:38 GMT

Quote of the day: "Nothing's better than the wind to your back, the sun in front of you, and your friends beside you."- Aaron Douglas Trimble

- So I got a job. It's a student loan collection agency, basic phone work. I got hired on to the best contract though, for loans ten days before default, aka the one with the largest bonus pool. The only people I've known that have worked there (on this project) have all made (or are currently making) $3-$8k in bonuses per month, on top of the modest hourly wage. I'm pretty excited! I start Monday.

- I have started running again. Like, I actually have. I tried before, but it didn't take... this time I've been pushing through it better, and even drinking water throughout the day instead of pop all the time. I've been feeling good. I plan on an active summer. I've noticed that since I've been home, I've been in the mindset that I used to be when I last lived here. Always wanting to be on the go, always active. It's great!

- J f Z hit me up on Google Talk today. It was good to hear from him! He passes on his e-hugs to all.

- Golf is an expensive fucking game.

- I'm gonna start playing poker online. Keep an eye out... I may be on tv within the year.

I've Missed You So.

Fri, 22 May 2009 03:32:23 GMT

Quote of the day: "We shall find peace. We shall hear the angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds."- Anton Chekhov

I loved you before I knew how... before I understood why. I would gaze upon you with wonder and awe, allowing the subtle wash of eternity to cascade down, saturating my soul. Without ever knowing of another, I knew that my eyes would desire only you, among all others, and that you would always invoke this passion. These thoughts were tucked away, residing in the periphery. Awaiting the chance to charge from the bunkers of my subconscious to the battlefields of a war-torn mind. Spiritual reinforcements, subordinate to none, but serving all.

I have travelled the world and seen others of breathtaking glamor. Standing in a blown-out crater in the desert, I wondered: Is this the same beauty I once knew? Is it possible that others see this as I see my own? Cut from the same cloth and forged of the same fire, I looked up with similar esteem... but I longed only for you.

Across the winds I was carried even further, to locations even more remote. Surely one would impress anew in a land of fewer distractions. Surely this virginal vista would survive even the most intese scrutiny, igniting flames of renewed intensity. I regarded this stunning display of forever, my longing for you diminishing as the years passed.

In a temporary home of stubborn permanence, I regaled audiences of your splendor. Emblazoned across my mind, I thought that I could but close my eyes and revisit you at any moment... but I was wrong. The longing skulked away, discouraged but not defeated. I grew restless and weary. I lost sight of that paradise of the infinite.

Then, I found my way home. I glanced across a crowded world without end; my eyes washed over your familiar features, basking in homespun perpetuity... I now know how to love you, and I understand why.

There is no nighttime sky like the sky above home.

Reintroduction; Funny Ads.

Wed, 20 May 2009 00:56:33 GMT

Quote of the day: "Acquire inner peace and a multitude will find their salvation near you."- Catherine de Hueck Doherty

I was looking at my StatCounter recently and noticed a lot of newer readers. Hi! Well, you might not be as new as I think, but I haven't looked at my stats in a long time and I didn't really feel like going back too far. So allow myself to introduce... my... self.

I'm a man. A manly man, albeit well-spoken and written, but I have a beard at the moment to help even that out. I party a little too hard to explain in good conscience, as I currently subscribe to the "discretion is the better part of valor" theory of kick assery. I talk a lot of shit, too, so it really impresses me how much I actually keep to myself. I like to make jokes to people that make them laugh, then pause awkwardly, then laugh harder. Things like asking them if it's normal for my urine to look like chili, or what the difference between a dead hooker and an Armani suit is (I don't have an Armani suit in my closet).

So anyway, hi! Sorry when I'm boring here. I'm working on it.

I've been noticing a lot of unintentionally funny ads at the top of these Blogdrive pages lately. The ones that are supposed to be content-specific, and have links that should match up... you know what I'm talking about. I've seen a few funny ones today... right up there, right now, for me, it has "Obesity Treatment" "Potty Chairs" "Microsoft Word 2007" lol. The page before had "Stop Smoking" and "Write a Book" and I'm starting to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together, and you know what Blogdrive? STAY OUTTA MY LIFE!

Just kidding. Love ya.

It's Not That I Have to be Right...

Mon, 18 May 2009 02:57:59 GMT

Quote of the day: "To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge."- Benjamin Disraeli

... it's being wrong that bothers me. But not for the reasons of which I am so often accused.

When I was in second grade, our assignment was a group activity, and we had to fill out some reading-comprehension questions in groups of two and three. In this grade, I was really far ahead of the other students and was not allowed to answer the questions, because I always got everything right and the teacher wanted others to have a chance. I'm not saying this to brag or boast, but because it actually bothered me, and is relevant to the story.

When my partner finished the questions, I was supposed to double-check them before the class discussion would begin. Question 1 was something like "What is the main character of the story?" He answered "A cat." I felt that this was wrong, because although it was a small cat, I was convinced it was a tiger cub, due to it having tiger stripes and very obviously looking like a tiger and how no cat in THE HISTORY OF CATS HAS EVER LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE A TIGER AND NOT BEEN A TIGER. Sigh.*

Anyway, we argued about it, and I showed him pictures of tigers and housecats to show why I thought it was a tiger. It was a pretty vicious argument, from what I can remember, and when we finally went to the teacher for settlement, the teacher said that I was wrong, and that although my argument made sense, the book said it was a cat, so it was a cat. That made me mad. The teacher said that I had to learn how to be wrong once in a while, and that I didn't always have to be right, and that made me mad too.

I've been accused of that often throughout my life. Of "having to be right." From parents to teachers, friends to girlfriends, it's come up with obscene regularity that people think I "have to be right." I've been told often that it's the worst part about me, and I've never really known how to explain myself. How can I explain why I hate being wrong, without seeming to be an intellectually-arrogant jerk? How can I explain that I don't need to be right?

Well, here goes. It's not that I need to prove myself right, or prove others wrong. It's that I hate not knowing something when I could just as easily know. You know, I think that's a pretty decent quality. I like being wrong, really, because it means that I'll learn something. Does that make me different? Does anyone prefer believing that they are right over actually being right?

I Don't Actually Like the Word "Random."

Wed, 13 May 2009 06:02:02 GMT

Quote of the day: "To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost."- Gustave Flaubert

- I don't actually like the word "random." I feel it has become overused in recent years. It's like some sort of mythical 'cool badge,' applied haphazardly to people too lazy or incapable of actual humor or wit. Granted, it can be funny, but it isn't magic. It should be used only sparingly, like garlic or speckled shoe laces.

- I think my vision got worse over the weekend. Since I've been back I've noticed that I cannot discern numbers on the television from the same seat and same distance as before the weekend. I also squint a little bit more with my laptop. It kinda sucks. I guess I'm gonna have to bump eye care up on the 'to-do' list.

- I partied a lot this weekend. I partied hard, and aside from a few awkward moments, it was a great time. I look forward to partying more soon. It's been pretty boring and lame lately, but things are gonna pick up soon. I can feel it.

- I don't like being pressured about things. I'm a pretty laid-back person, and when I feel like someone is trying to pressure me into something, I tend to shut down. I also try very hard to set low expectations about engagments, like certain parties or events, because I honestly don't know if I will be able to make them. When it turns out I can't, I prefer that there was no serious expectation that I would have been there in the first place, because I hate letting people down. I hate it even more when they can't handle it like an adult once I tell them that I can't make it.

- Of related topic, there are few people on this planet that are more emotionally-capable and prepared to write someone off with no remorse and no chance of reconciliation. I don't know if it's a strength of my character or a flaw, or a little bit of both, but I can say goodbye forever and never change my mind. This has nothing to do with anyone that reads this, of course, but it's something that has been on my mind, and even moreso today.

- I would be a very successful person if I could turn that energy and determination to other areas in my life. If I ever figure out how, or rather, decide to, that would be great. So... yeah.

Psst... Let Me Talk to You a Moment...

Thu, 07 May 2009 11:34:45 GMT

Quote of the day: "Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long."- Confucius (attributed)

Hey. It's me. Let me holla at you for a minute. It's early in the morning and I didn't sleep last night. I guess the 48 ounces of Mountain Dew (Hillbilly Piss) and four tablets of Dollar General's version of Excedrin (260 milligrams of caffeine just from the fake Excedrin) was too much to go to bed with, even for a caffeine addict like me. My head hurt. My knees hurt (I think it's tendonitis, but I'm not a doctor).

Oh, you didn't know that I'm not a doctor? I know that the $24 in my pocket is impressive, and my fabulous castle I'm currently staying in (my dad's house) and the giant bed I sleep in (my dad's couch) probably fooled you, but I'm actually not a medical professional qualified to make such a prognosis as tendonitis on account of my knees hurting.

Anyway, my knees hurt. Tendonitis, remember? My ass still kinda hurts (see previous post, and read the whole thing if you haven't). So I've been awake. Thinking of things. Things like how...

- Atheism is a non-prophet organization

- I survived mustard gas and pepper spray during my time in the military, and now I'm a seasoned veteran

- Dyslexic poets write inverse

- In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes

- When cannibals eat missionaries, they're finally getting a taste of religion

- You shouldn't join dangerous cults. Practice safe sects

... and various things of that sort. I might be getting a little delerious though. One of my top eyelashes kinda stuck to a bottom eyelash, and I could have sworn that I saw something move in the room, and I almost freaked out a little. This house is haunted, and I respect the spirits living here (I imagine they must have seniority), but I wish they wouldn't fuck with me. I certainly don't need my eyelashes conspiring with malevolent and/or benevolent spirits. YA HEARD?

I'm thinking about going back to a life of crime. I've been listening to gangster-ass rap all night and I'm pumped. You know. Keep a baseball bat on the floorboards. Pistol-grip pump in my lap at all times. Flaggin' and saggin'. Khakis and Chuck Taylors. All that.

I'm visiting Ohio this weekend! Ava (my God-daughter) is having her 2nd birthday. Today, actually, but this weekend is more the party-type of deal. I talked to Chad last night about it. I think he was a little drunk because he kept saying how I should move back to Ohio. That everyone thinks it's lame not having me around (I guess that's the cool way of saying people miss me?). I was kinda thinking that it's too late for that. I love New York, and he suggested I move back in the first place. Like, a week after we got into a fist-fight and he told me to "get the fuck out" of his house. We got over it, and I left on good terms, but it's still something that is in my mind a bit.

Anyway, the smoke detector just beeped once and I almost shit my pants. I guess the battery is going dead. Time to go to the bathroom!

P.S. I'm not drunk nor high. Well, high on LIFE. Or LACK THEREOF HA.